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Archive for March, 2009

Your problems, your issues, and you

I see so many examples where people are going through stuff or have past stuff that they carry with them and don’t deal with. They even integrate it into their daily lives. This can even go onto destroy relationships because the other people around have to endure this.

So take a good look inside yourself. Do you have baggage? Old problems? Childhood stuff? Stuff you should have let go of or dealt with by now?

You have to deal with it. We live in times where there is a huge array of information around us and lots of help. The Internet has opened up a whole new pathway to information – use it.

1) Work out what your problems/issues are

2) Carry out as much research as you can on how you can heal yourself or sort the situation. Look on the Internet, talk to people, find books related to your subject and read them, get advice, join support groups where there are people who have been through your issue/problem before, get outside help like Counselling or see a Healer etc. Empower yourself with knowledge. Write things down if you need to, make a record of what you have learned.

3) Put it all into practice. Do what you need to to remedy yourself. Love, honor and respect yourself enough to want to do that for you.

4) Get on with your life and be happy.

It’s not a fair thing to do – to be a certain way because there is something hovering over you that you have not dealt with. It hurts you and the people around you. So come on, find your solution. Work towards it.

I am able to write this because I solved my problems. I liberated myself and I’m now really happy. You can be too.

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A Poem About Your Attitude….

thegiftofpeace_pAs mentioned in a previous post, I have this book called The Gift of Peace – created by the Brahma Kumaris. Here is a page I can relate to and want to share with you:

Your attitude creates an atmosphere around you. Your attitude is the result of the way you feel and think. You communicate your attitude. Create a positive attitude, filled with good feelings, and even just your presence will do wonders in situations.

Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs

This entire piece has been written by David Tuffley. David is a Lecturer at the Griffin University in Brisbane, Australia. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs was something I studied in my degree and it had a great influence on me as a person. So I wanted to write a post on it. Whilst I was researching, I came across David’s work and from all of the information I had viewed, his work really summarised what Malsow’s message is, in the best way. I could not have summarised Maslow’s teachings any better than David so I contacted him and asked if I could use his work for my audience. He agreed straight away. I really can’t think of anything I want to add to this piece so I have taken it all in it’s original form. For more information on David and his work, take a look at his website.

A Life Well-Lived: a Guide to Self-Actualisation

Many of us are pursuing activities that directly or indirectly we hope will take us to new levels of fulfilment. But how can we set ourselves up to achieve fulfilment in our chosen field, and in our lives generally?

Fulfilment might also be called Self-Actualisation or expressing one’s full potential. According to Abraham Maslow it is intrinsic growth of what is already in the organism, or more accurately, of what the organism is. (Maslow was an American psychologist whose theories have been influential in 20th century thought.)

maslows-hierarchy

Maslow believed we have a hierarchy of needs, beginning with (a) basic needs for food, shelter, then (b) needs for safety and security, (c) needs for love and belonging, (d) the need for self esteem, and (e) the need for self-actualisation. We cannot meet the higher-order needs until the lower ones are met. A hungry or fearful person will not recognise yet their need for self actualisation.

How do we characterise Self-Actualised (SA) people?

·         Generally they are realistically orientedwith an efficient perception of reality extending into all areas of their life. SA persons are unthreatened and unfrightened by the unknown. They usually have a superior ability to reason, to see the truth. 

·         SA people accept themselves, others and the natural world the way they are. Sees human nature as is, have rid themselves of crippling guilt or shame, enjoy themselves without regret or apology, and have no unnecessary inhibitions. 

·         Spontaneous in their inner life, thoughts and impulses, SA people are unhampered by convention. Their ethics is autonomous, they are individuals, and are motivated towards continual improvement. 

·         Focus on problems outside themselves.SA people tend to have a mission in life requiring much energy, and their mission is their reason for existence. They are usually serene and worry-free as they pursue their mission with unshakeable determination. 

·         Detachment, the need for privacy. Alone but not lonely, unflappable, retain dignity amid confusion and personal misfortunes, objective. SA people are self starters, responsible for themselves, own their behaviour. 

·         Autonomous, independent of culture and environment. SA’s rely on inner self for satisfaction. Resilient and stable in the face of hard knocks, they are self contained, independent from love and respect of others. 

·         Freshness of appreciation. Have a fresh rather than stereotyped appreciation of people and things. Moment to moment living is thrilling, transcending and spiritual. SA’s live the present moment to the fullest. 

·         Peak experiences. “Feelings of limitless horizons opening up to the vision, the feeling of being simultaneously more powerful and also more helpless than one ever was before, the feeling of ecstasy and wonder and awe, the loss of placement in time and space with, finally, the conviction that something extremely important and valuable had happened, so that the subject was to some extent transformed and strengthened even in his daily life by such experiences.” Abraham Maslow. Click Here for an example from my own experience.

 

Eight Ways To Self Actualize 

1.      Experience things fully, vividly, selflessly. Throw yourself into the experiencing of something: concentrate on it fully, let it totally absorb you.

2.      Life is a moment-by-moment choice between safety (out of fear and need for defence) and risk (for the sake of progress and growth): Consciously make the growth choice many times a day.

3.      Let your true self emerge. Try to go beyond socially-defined modes of thinking and feeling, let your inner experience tell you what you truly feel.

4.      When in doubt, be honest. It may take some courage, but look honestly at yourself and take responsibility for who you are and what happens to you. Self-delusion is the enemy of self-actualisation.

5.      Listen to your own tastes. Be prepared to be unpopular if necessary.

6.      Use your intelligence, work to do well the things you want to do, no matter how insignificant they seem.

7.      Make peak experiencing more likely: get rid of illusions and false notions. Learn what you are good at and conversely what you are not good at.

8.      Know thyself. Who are you, what are you, what is good and what is bad for you, where you are going, what is your mission? Opening yourself up to yourself in this way means recognising one’s defences–and then finding the courage to give them up.

Work towards meeting and satisfying the lower-order needs (food, shelter, then safety and security, then love and belonging, and then self esteem). Once you have done this, and I acknowledge that it may be difficult and time-consuming, you will be able to make progress with the following:

  1. Experience things fully, vividly, selflessly. Throw yourself into the experiencing of something: concentrate on it fully, let it totally absorb you.
  2. Life is a moment-by-moment choice between safety (out of fear and need for defence) and risk (for the sake of progress and growth): Consciously make the growth choice many times a day.
  3. Let your true self emerge. Try to go beyond socially-defined modes of thinking and feeling, let your inner experience tell you what you truly feel.
  4. When in doubt, be honest. It may take some courage, but look honestly at yourself and take responsibility for who you are and what happens to you. Self-delusion is the enemy of self-actualisation.
  5. Listen to your own tastes. Be prepared to be unpopular if necessary.
  6. Use your intelligence, work to do well the things you want to do, no matter how insignificant they seem.
  7. Make peak experiencing more likely: get rid of illusions and false notions. Learn what you are good at and conversely what you are not good at.
  8. Know thyself. Who are you, what are you, what is good and what is bad for you, where you are going, what is your mission? Opening yourself up to yourself in this way means recognising one’s defences–and then finding the courage to give them up.

Good luck,

David Tuffley

Light Up The World

images11I went to a talk on this subject last week in Oxford, given by Rose Kelly and came away beaming! I will summarise what Rose talked about and what I learned. The blue bits are my comments. The rest is pretty much what Rose said in her talk.

Do you realise your inner treasures? Ask yourself – what inner treasures do I possess?

For me, mine are my instinct, my intuition, my love – giving to others and to myself and finally my ability to heal others and release their tensions by massage or just talking to them.

With the light of understanding, our mind grows and we gain a broader and deeper understanding – this leads us to become aware of our hidden depths = awareness. You experience a freedom and a sense of expansion when you look at your inner treasures.

You can liberate yourself through your creativity. You can free yourself through your thinking. This is what perception is all about – who am I and what am I doing?

Examining my motivations cultivates my freedom (I love this bit.)

I maybe incarcerated but in my mind, I’m free.

I maybe physically fit but how fit am I in my mind?

I know inside me is the key to unlock the wisdom that is there. Once you tap into this, you feel contented. There is an abundance of love and light there. The more you use, the more you get. The feeling spreads. I feel in tune with myself.

The awareness of the self gets shadowed by all of the stuff going on outside. This leads to a clouding of judgement because it moves me away from my inside.

Meditation is best when you have a restless mind because you actually recognise what you feel.

Don’t be a thorn, be a rose. Ask yourself regularly – am I a rose today or a thorn?

When I start to be happy on the inside, I start to smile from the outside and this starts to spread. You can actually be spiritually contagious!  (I love that!)

When you are in a state of aliveness, your eyes sparkle and you smile. When I am so in tune with my inner, nothing can stop that. This is real power – you generate it. It’s not distorted.

 Have your inner eye open – be internally focused.

Most of the time, what’s really bothering me has nothing to do with me.

(Gopi Gill taught me this – when you have something bothering you, place it into one of the following categories:

1) is it Gods problem? For example, the weather, climate change, politicians being exposed for swindling money out of the government.

2) is it someone else’s problem – that you have taken on board. For example your friend’s husband is treating her badly, or your mother is trying to coherse you to get married like in my case!! Or…

3) is it your problem? Is it directly affecting you? For example, you have found a lump or you are depressed.

Try and approach any issues with this analogy. If they stem from the first 2 points, you cannot do anything about them. Let them go. Lighten the load on your shoulders and get on with your life. Unfortunately we all take on other people’s stuff and that can bring us down. For the second point, I’m not being callous. I’m saying be there for your others, advise them but acknowledge that this is their problem and only they can find their solution.

Back to the talk….ask yourself – what is my vision like towards me, my family, life, the world?

Become this beam of light and become beyond the pull of anything physical. This bit for me is essential.

Going from a thorn day to a rose day:

Recognise that the thorn is there because I’ve not noticed something in myself. What’s going on? Go inside. Stop pretending there isn’t anything there. Talk to yourself, ask what is it and write down any information you gain.

Then, change your scene, get out of the situation, change your perspective. Get advice. Ask yourself  ‘how can I shed light on this situation?’ Expand not Contract. This process shows me where I need to heal.

And that’s it. A great talk on how to Lighten Up Your World.

To my Dad – a wonderful man

I lost him 13 years ago. I saw him in the morning and in the evening I was told he died in an accident. That’s not important. What is important is that he gave me something no one else has ever – belief in myself.

Once he sat me down for a serious chat. He told me that I am far more intelligent than my straight Grade A friend who lived down the road. He told me that if I channel my energies into one focus, I could achieve anything I want to. And he was right. Everything I ever achieved was when I applied myself and just thought about the goal at the end.

At the time, I laughed and didn’t believe a word he was saying. Many others before him had told me I was stupid and could never amount to anything. I was a mischievious teenager and probably did things I shouldn’t have! I had no self awareness or confidence in myself.

I graduated from university with a Degree in Business a year after he died. It was the best and the worst day of my life because I wanted him there – no one else. I have pushed through this life and tried to be a good person despite what I have been though and I have come out ok – I owe that to him and that chat we had that day.

He was the only person who made me feel right when I was growing up. He was the only person I felt genuine love from.

So those for you that have kids out there or someone who looks up to you, make sure you tell them you believe in them. I know with the life I had, I could have very easily turned out to me a horrible person. I could have easily said…ok screw this. But I didn’t because one person in the world told me I was better. I owe everything I have achieved to him.

I will wait  for the day our souls meet again Dad. Thank you. You don’t know what you did for me.

Taking some quiet time just for you xxx

I got the following from a session I attended at the Brahma Kumaris recently. It is truly beautiful:

There is a part of you that is perfect and pure. It is untouched by the less than perfect characteristics you have acquired by living in a less than perfect world. It is filled with wisdom and so, is a constant source of wellbeing. It’s a total absence of conflict and negativity of any sort makes this part of you a still point – a deep enriching experience of silence. Make time to practice this inner place of silence. It will bring you untold benefit.

Your Responsibility………….

I used to work for a reputable engineering firm a few years ago. There was quite a senior Construction Manager there who had a plaque on his desk saying “I AM RESPONSIBLE.” This was a daily reminder to him about his work and his staff.

I remember being quite touched by this. He chose to be like this and I have the utmost respect for him for that.

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